It's around 1:30 in the p.m., and I'm in process of spring cleaning, aka, going through old clothes and junk, and getting rid of it, so that you can see that there is carpet on the bottom of my closet here at the Mitchell residence. I put on worship for about an hour or so, and just really wanted to post and reflect on some of this year and how God has changed this girl into a woman who is proud of how God made her. So this post is going to be more vulnerable, but I'm learning that that is a good thing ;)
Going into this year of 247 I had a facade of always being 'okay' or 'fine' in all situations, even if I was torn up inside. That girl still comes out on occasion, but it has become a rarity. I had many masks that I could hide behind and some of them I had legitamate reasons for sin or apathy. I hid behind the mask of continuing to go to church regularly while still going out on the weekends doing whatever pleased my flash. I hid behind the facade of my weight getting out of control, yet outwardly I acted as if it didn't bother me. I hid behind the facade of having great Christian friends, and I knew what 'Christian' phrase to say at the appropriate time. I had many masks, yet none of them fit.
Every mask had holes and cracks in them, where certain people could see through the mask, to who God intended me to be. But to take a mask off takes a lot of courage, but more it takes a lot of trust in God. That when He says 'you were fearfully and wonderfully made' it's Truth, not a facade. I can honestly say that there are no more masks that I wear. There are struggles, and times that I try to put those back on, and sometimes I succeed. Yet, what lies under that mask is raw, pure, and yet beautiful.
This is a hard revelation for me to grasp. To see so many flaws and blemishes, yet to know that those scars, flaws, and blemishes, make me beautiful. They are reminders that God makes beauty from ashes. Daily the ashes are being blown away, and daily I begin to see the pure beauty that God has made me to be.
I have so far to go, but instead of dwelling on that, I can enjoy looking back to see what all God has rescued me from. My God is beautiful, mighty to save, and the hope of the world. I trust Him.