It's around 1:30 in the p.m., and I'm in process of spring cleaning, aka, going through old clothes and junk, and getting rid of it, so that you can see that there is carpet on the bottom of my closet here at the Mitchell residence. I put on worship for about an hour or so, and just really wanted to post and reflect on some of this year and how God has changed this girl into a woman who is proud of how God made her. So this post is going to be more vulnerable, but I'm learning that that is a good thing ;)
Going into this year of 247 I had a facade of always being 'okay' or 'fine' in all situations, even if I was torn up inside. That girl still comes out on occasion, but it has become a rarity. I had many masks that I could hide behind and some of them I had legitamate reasons for sin or apathy. I hid behind the mask of continuing to go to church regularly while still going out on the weekends doing whatever pleased my flash. I hid behind the facade of my weight getting out of control, yet outwardly I acted as if it didn't bother me. I hid behind the facade of having great Christian friends, and I knew what 'Christian' phrase to say at the appropriate time. I had many masks, yet none of them fit.
Every mask had holes and cracks in them, where certain people could see through the mask, to who God intended me to be. But to take a mask off takes a lot of courage, but more it takes a lot of trust in God. That when He says 'you were fearfully and wonderfully made' it's Truth, not a facade. I can honestly say that there are no more masks that I wear. There are struggles, and times that I try to put those back on, and sometimes I succeed. Yet, what lies under that mask is raw, pure, and yet beautiful.
This is a hard revelation for me to grasp. To see so many flaws and blemishes, yet to know that those scars, flaws, and blemishes, make me beautiful. They are reminders that God makes beauty from ashes. Daily the ashes are being blown away, and daily I begin to see the pure beauty that God has made me to be.
I have so far to go, but instead of dwelling on that, I can enjoy looking back to see what all God has rescued me from. My God is beautiful, mighty to save, and the hope of the world. I trust Him.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Worst blogger ever...
So here it is! My second blog after only 4 months. But seriously give me a break, I'm in 247 and have AMAZING friends and homesponsors, so blogging is at the end of the list of things to do.
But here I am, blogging. I'll try to update as best as i can up until Africa, so that Africa can have it's own post.
This semester has been a little rough. Mexico was good, but there were a lot of things I missed. I was very selfish there, and honestly I didn't have a very good time. It was challenging, but I wasn't really up to the challenge at that time. Thankfully though, not everyone on my team had a badattitude like I did, so there was a lot of ministry that was able to get done. During Mexico my knee started hurting worse, but I sort of thought that it was my imagination at times, because I had no reason as to why it hurt so bad. It was periodically getting worse, then better. A week after we got back from Mexico I was playing basketball and turned my knee wrong, and it popped. It hurt to walk after that. So I finally broke down and went to the dr. who sent me to another dr. who sent me to get a MRI(which is amazingly expensive, even with health insurance: it actally cost more 3 times more to get the MRI as opposed to the surgery). The doctor told me i had 2 tears in my meniscus. I was relieved to know that I wasn't crazy and making up all this pain. The problem was that the ironman was like a week and a half after that. So I had a decision to make. Do the ironman(something i had a hard time believing was possible for me) or rightfully sit out. I chose to do it, because I knew that my knee may hurt like hades, and get even more injured, but I already had surgery scheduled for a wk and a half after the ironman. So I chose to do the iron man.
And I accomplished something(with the major help of GOD, my 247 family, and amazing friends) that I didn't think was possible for me. Not only did I accomplish it, I did way better than I thought I would in the swim and bike. The run, well it was more of a walk, but thats because I had no choice. Anyways, I finished the race with six of my closest friends, and it was amazing!
A wk and a half later, I had my surgery. My mom came down to help take care of me, which was good. I didn't have any complications from the surgery, although I had torn a big slice of meniscus probably during the iron man, so they had to take out even more, but it was worth it.
The next couple of weeks I was just trying to recover(which is extremely hard for me, because when it comes to having to 'sit out' from things I am THE most stubborn person in the world).
OKay, I'm caught up except the wk before Africa and Africa, which will be my next post. I'm sorry this was the most boring post in the world, but get over it, and just don't read it again and you'll be fine.
I love my life...yes I do.
But here I am, blogging. I'll try to update as best as i can up until Africa, so that Africa can have it's own post.
This semester has been a little rough. Mexico was good, but there were a lot of things I missed. I was very selfish there, and honestly I didn't have a very good time. It was challenging, but I wasn't really up to the challenge at that time. Thankfully though, not everyone on my team had a badattitude like I did, so there was a lot of ministry that was able to get done. During Mexico my knee started hurting worse, but I sort of thought that it was my imagination at times, because I had no reason as to why it hurt so bad. It was periodically getting worse, then better. A week after we got back from Mexico I was playing basketball and turned my knee wrong, and it popped. It hurt to walk after that. So I finally broke down and went to the dr. who sent me to another dr. who sent me to get a MRI(which is amazingly expensive, even with health insurance: it actally cost more 3 times more to get the MRI as opposed to the surgery). The doctor told me i had 2 tears in my meniscus. I was relieved to know that I wasn't crazy and making up all this pain. The problem was that the ironman was like a week and a half after that. So I had a decision to make. Do the ironman(something i had a hard time believing was possible for me) or rightfully sit out. I chose to do it, because I knew that my knee may hurt like hades, and get even more injured, but I already had surgery scheduled for a wk and a half after the ironman. So I chose to do the iron man.
And I accomplished something(with the major help of GOD, my 247 family, and amazing friends) that I didn't think was possible for me. Not only did I accomplish it, I did way better than I thought I would in the swim and bike. The run, well it was more of a walk, but thats because I had no choice. Anyways, I finished the race with six of my closest friends, and it was amazing!
A wk and a half later, I had my surgery. My mom came down to help take care of me, which was good. I didn't have any complications from the surgery, although I had torn a big slice of meniscus probably during the iron man, so they had to take out even more, but it was worth it.
The next couple of weeks I was just trying to recover(which is extremely hard for me, because when it comes to having to 'sit out' from things I am THE most stubborn person in the world).
OKay, I'm caught up except the wk before Africa and Africa, which will be my next post. I'm sorry this was the most boring post in the world, but get over it, and just don't read it again and you'll be fine.
I love my life...yes I do.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Just a sittin...
So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to write for my first blog. It should be powerful, and captivating, I can't seem to find the words to make that happen, so I shall just write... I have my ipod on listening to a song that gives me goosebumps, and makes me tear up everytime I hear it. It's by Jesus Culture, "how He loves us", and man, He sure does. God is more tangible in my life right now than ever before, yet it's still not enough sometimes. He definately satisfies the yearning in my soul, yet I'm left wanting more. More and more everyday, I desire to seek Him even more than the day before, but often that desire is not put into action. But regardless God is my daddy, and He satisfies all desires of this world, and beyond. He loves us, and for what reason I won't know until the day I see Him face to face, but His presence and His love I'm grateful. His grace, is something that I'm trying to still grasp more and more, though it is the hardest thing for me to grasp right now. But with that said I'm still eternally grateful for Him not only calling me, but choosing me.
One thing that is tangible for me to grasp is the love of the people God has placed in my life. There are so many friends, more than could be named here, that have done nothing but love. Yet, without their love I would still be on the outside of God's path. I'm here at Erin and Becca's house, and it's such a simple life here. Callie is by the fireplace just reading, Becca is playing on her Macbook, and Erin is asleep in her room. We're all in our own little worlds, yet God has interwoven those worlds. I'm about to brag on these three girls real quick because God has brought me closer to all three of them the past few months, and I just want to affirm them!
Becca- My first small group co-leader. I thought she hated me the first time I met her. But I thought that about so many of my close friends, and I just think the majority of it was insecurity on my part. Nonetheless, our relationship has far surpassed her just being my small group leader, she has become one of my closest friends. I love that in any situation she can laugh. I love that she's passionate about music (fyi, she's got the best itunes out of anyone out there!). She's passionate about change in the world. She's so so passionate about the power of prayer and interceding for others. I pray that God will reveal His perfect plan and will for this next stage of her life. And that it far exceedes all of her biggest dreams and wishes. That He is the Creator of this universe, and she is His passion.
Erin- (The party-pooper tonight, because she's asleep) What I would do without this girl. She's been in my life for a couple of years now, but sometimes it seems as if she's always been with me. She has been the one person in my life that has never fled. That has stood firmly and fought for me, even when I didn't know I was in a battle. She's seen the worst in me, and yet she's still right beside me. She dedicated many hours to help me, pray for me, lead me back to God, and just be my friend. During the hardest times of these last couple of years, she's the one person I ran to. I've slept many a times on this here couch trying to escape the pains of this world. But the door was always open, and this couch was always available. Her passion for children is about to be magnified. God is about to reveal His plan for her future, very very soon. I love that she loves people especially young children who have never had anyone else ever love them. I love that she always finds God in every situation. I love that she loves her friends so much, her family so much, and her sister so much.
Callie- Hmmmm...The first time I met this girl I was quite intimidated by her, 1) because she's so dang beautiful, and she walks with the confidence God has given her, and 2) dang that girl can SANG (insert ghetto voice please). It took quite some time for our friendship to get to the point of where it is right now. She has been such an answered prayer this year especially since 247 started. I was so worried that my friendships outside the program would suffer a lot, when the opposite has happened, especially with Callie. She's such a light in my life, and she's one of those people who really lights up a room when she walks in it. She has been called to use her voice for the Kingdom of God. She is called to sing people to freedom. She is called to bring girls to know her Abba Father, and for them to know how beautiful they are. She's shaking the gates of hell, and the devil is so scared of her that he tries to do whatever he can to shake her. But she won't be shaken. I pray that she continues her earnest persuit of her daddy. There's nothing that she wants more. And I love that about her.
I just wanted to write about these three awsome people, and how I'm more than blesssed to call them my friends. I've done nothing to deserve this friendship, but I'm thankful for it all in the same. I love these three.
Here's a song request to these three, you are welcome! :)
One thing that is tangible for me to grasp is the love of the people God has placed in my life. There are so many friends, more than could be named here, that have done nothing but love. Yet, without their love I would still be on the outside of God's path. I'm here at Erin and Becca's house, and it's such a simple life here. Callie is by the fireplace just reading, Becca is playing on her Macbook, and Erin is asleep in her room. We're all in our own little worlds, yet God has interwoven those worlds. I'm about to brag on these three girls real quick because God has brought me closer to all three of them the past few months, and I just want to affirm them!
Becca- My first small group co-leader. I thought she hated me the first time I met her. But I thought that about so many of my close friends, and I just think the majority of it was insecurity on my part. Nonetheless, our relationship has far surpassed her just being my small group leader, she has become one of my closest friends. I love that in any situation she can laugh. I love that she's passionate about music (fyi, she's got the best itunes out of anyone out there!). She's passionate about change in the world. She's so so passionate about the power of prayer and interceding for others. I pray that God will reveal His perfect plan and will for this next stage of her life. And that it far exceedes all of her biggest dreams and wishes. That He is the Creator of this universe, and she is His passion.
Erin- (The party-pooper tonight, because she's asleep) What I would do without this girl. She's been in my life for a couple of years now, but sometimes it seems as if she's always been with me. She has been the one person in my life that has never fled. That has stood firmly and fought for me, even when I didn't know I was in a battle. She's seen the worst in me, and yet she's still right beside me. She dedicated many hours to help me, pray for me, lead me back to God, and just be my friend. During the hardest times of these last couple of years, she's the one person I ran to. I've slept many a times on this here couch trying to escape the pains of this world. But the door was always open, and this couch was always available. Her passion for children is about to be magnified. God is about to reveal His plan for her future, very very soon. I love that she loves people especially young children who have never had anyone else ever love them. I love that she always finds God in every situation. I love that she loves her friends so much, her family so much, and her sister so much.
Callie- Hmmmm...The first time I met this girl I was quite intimidated by her, 1) because she's so dang beautiful, and she walks with the confidence God has given her, and 2) dang that girl can SANG (insert ghetto voice please). It took quite some time for our friendship to get to the point of where it is right now. She has been such an answered prayer this year especially since 247 started. I was so worried that my friendships outside the program would suffer a lot, when the opposite has happened, especially with Callie. She's such a light in my life, and she's one of those people who really lights up a room when she walks in it. She has been called to use her voice for the Kingdom of God. She is called to sing people to freedom. She is called to bring girls to know her Abba Father, and for them to know how beautiful they are. She's shaking the gates of hell, and the devil is so scared of her that he tries to do whatever he can to shake her. But she won't be shaken. I pray that she continues her earnest persuit of her daddy. There's nothing that she wants more. And I love that about her.
I just wanted to write about these three awsome people, and how I'm more than blesssed to call them my friends. I've done nothing to deserve this friendship, but I'm thankful for it all in the same. I love these three.
Here's a song request to these three, you are welcome! :)
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